Have you ever been in a moment and thought for a second that you were seeing the future?
Too science fiction-esque?
I believe that when we are open and are creating space for the Spirit to speak into our lives that He will show us things we never expected. When we are get wrapped up in a moment of excitement over something that we are passionate about, I believe that God smiles. He gave us those ticks. He built us to be passionate about things. Children, international ministry, business, nursing, accounting, historical geography, ice road trucking. Whatever it is that your heart years for and gets excited over, I whole heatedly believe that God gave that to you and is excited when you take a moment to “nerd-out” over it. Going back to the science fiction part of it all, what if in those moments of “nerding-out” you have, for lack of a better word, a vision. You can see yourself pursuing and being actively involved in your passion. I don’t know if for you that is vocationally or not, but what if? What if for a moment you actually believed that what you loved would actually come to fruiting and being a part of your life outside of just those “nerd moments?”
Have you ever not known you were actually passionate about something? I have. Public speaking. Yep. You
heard read that right. You better believe that when I found out I was going to have to take public communications my freshman year at Azusa Pacific that my stomach itself almost decided to make an appearance. The five speeches I gave in that class were probably the most painfully awkward and stilted presentations I have ever given. If you were to ask me (probably even right now) “Hey, do you want to go talk in front of a thousand people about something?” my answer would probably be, “Is there anyone else?”
As I wrote the words that would be my response and overwhelming realization. Do those words sound familiar to you? Because they do to me.
“Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh, and that I should bring the sons of Israel out of Egypt?”…”Please, Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither recently nor in time past, nor since You have spoken to Your servant; for I am slow of speech and slow of tongue.”… “Oh, my Lord, please send someone else.” (Exodus 3:11; 4:10.13 NASB/ESV)
During my yearly review at work my wonderful supervisor and I went over a few goals for my next year in admissions. One of those goals was to learn to enjoy presenting in a group setting. This is a significant part of my job, so it would be great if I could actually love it. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I do, I just would really like to be better at it and learn to flourish from it. Part of this goal was to journal about my hesitations and ways to move past them and create a process for myself. (If you know anything about me you will know how much of a creature of habit I am, so having a process for anything certainly makes things more enjoyable for me.) While I was journaling yesterday, words started to flow out about why I love speaking to people and the ways that it is rewarding and why I want to do it. Some key phrases were things such as: the reward is the feeling of accomplishment of successfully teaching, empowering, and exciting the group and to know that I’ve helped and the most eye opening one for me to show the light and love of Christ no matter what the topic. That’s when it clicked. That’s when I saw it. It was quick, short, and not super in focus (like a blurry picture), but it was real. I saw myself actually speaking to crowds of people about things. Actually BEING a public speaker. Excuse me? Time-out. I am NOT eloquent and boy do I pander and babble around when I lose where I am. Please Lord, send someone else.
So what if during a moment of nerding-out over something that I didn’t even realized I loved, the Spirit showed me something that I wasn’t prepared to see? What if after all this time of me wondering what I am going to do with my life I got a small, quick, out of focus, not at all what I expected glimpse of something? Am I saying I’m quitting my job to become a motivational speaker? Absolutely, a million percent, no. But when I think about it, I am amazed at the journey God has brought me on thus far and it wouldn’t surprise me if this season of my life prepared me to love speaking in groups for a time when that will be a regular occurrence for me.
Our God is a good God.
“O Lord, God, You have begun to show Your servant Your greatness and Your strong hand; for what god is there in heaven or on earth who can do such works and mighty acts as yours?” (Deut. 3:24 NASB)