The past

This morning I was praying with a few people. One of them thanked God for the circumstances of life and past events that have happened in my life that developed and made me who I am today.

It seems that lately I have been thinking a lot about how much the past has changed who I am today. I would not be the same person I am today had things not happened the way they did. Or would I? Had I grown  up with a different family structure, maybe I would be a different person. But, had I not made the mistakes that I have would I not have ended up here just the same? Maybe not. Sometimes I look back on who i was in high school and early in college and I don’t recognize that girl. She’s immature and frankly, a floosey. I’m not saying I’m perfect now or that I have it all together, but I do firmly believe that I am no longer that girl.

I suppose that it is true that the mistakes I have made have helped structure the way I make decisions, the way I think, the fact that God and I have wrestled through some crazy things together. It is in my relationship with Mac that I begin to realize most how much of my past seems to be relevant now. Many of my random oddities mesh so perfectly with him that I can’t help but be convinced that God raised me to be with him. So in that, my past really is relevant. Had I not made bad decisions and whatnot, would I still be the girl who God raised to be with Mac? I see evidence of it in my childhood, before I made stupid choices, so if I was that girl then, if I had not made those choices, I would still be right? Or did God see that I was going to make those crazy decisions and factor them in; factor in the fact that I would be someone different afterward and THAT is the girl he designed for Mac?

It probably doesn’t really matter one way or the other, but it was just something I had on my mind.

So yes, Thank you God for the past that is indeed past but has definitely helped shape who I am today. Thank you for bringing me through crazy times and wrestling with me along the way, and in the process, drawing me close to You. You are a good and sovereign God, even when I don’t understand.


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