So here’s the deal: I have this issue with men. I like them a lot, and that tends to get me into situations where I end up feeling like crap and depending on them more than I should. It is a sad fact, but it is truer and truer the more I look at the way I’ve carried myself over the past few years.

Another important point to make before I get to the heart of what this post is about, is that I have what tends to be an outsiders opinion on the role of women, at least when it comes to being compared to the 21st century American view. Now, I’m not saying at all that women should be walked all over; kitchen and bedroom only type of thing. No, I think women are perfectly capable of being in leadership, teaching, and pretty much doing all things, the issue I have is that there are some things that women like to do that they are not meant to be doing. Men and women are created to be in relationship with each other and therefore there are certain roles given to each. I think that the women in today’s society forget that and look down on some of their roles and then attempt to take over men’s roles and things get confused, nasty, and we get the bastard child known as Feminism, or at least that crazy radical feminism.

All of that to say, I have issues being an independent woman based on my views. I know that I am capable, and in some circumstances I want nothing more than to be independent, but I also see that I am made to function, to a certain extent, with a male counter part. I don’t have a male counter part in my life and so, being this messed up minded girl that I am I attempt to put that role on whatever male is in my life (regardless of relationship status) at the time. This leads to all kinds of problems. With this realization comes some work that needs to be done. I need to try to figure out which tendencies and habits I have accumulated and then adjust them to become the woman I am meant to be without any regard to a man at all. I need to take all this crap away from the men in my life and give it back to God, beacuse well, that’s where it belongs, He should be the only man in my life.

I want to be that independent woman. I don’t want to be a crazy feminist, but I want to be strong in the Lord, strong in who I am and not care what everyone else thinks. I have desires and habits that I want to eliminate, and others that I want to gain. I have work to do.

This is where I have the biggest issue: finding fulfillment in God alone and letting him have all of my crap. I’m not sure how to do this, and I’m positive there isn’t a “10-step” way to do so. For now I suppose I will try to put my finger to these crazy habits I’ve developed and find solutions to them in an ever so slow process of shifting my focus back to the God who shows up regardless of if we see Him or not.


One thought on “Readjustment

  1. Tim Handley says:

    So, you opened Pandora’s box when you posted on FB last night, and I saw it; this is inevitably going to lead to me reading through your entire wordpress, while musing & parusing all the things you have written on.

    I have a similar issue with women. I like them alot, and tend to make them, to a degree, my end-all be-all answer to everything. I find myself finding my personality or worth in how I’m viewed by women, as before all ‘this'(this meaning the new life in God) I never had many male friends and was always that one ‘guy’ who held the special relationship with females, regardless of status. The shoulder, the cryer, the admirer, the venter, etc., etc. And more often than not, when I was rejected (or felt rejected though I may not have been) by a womans’ friendship, I would become worrisome that I had in fact, destroyed the entire world. My worth all too often came to how I was acknowledged by others.

    I too, have similar issues in being this ‘masculine’ male. I’m not Tyler Durden. I never was, and doubt I ever will be. I cry at silly things. I enjoy being a dork. I’m not an alpha macho male. And I too, realize that male and female need the counterparts for a reason. I believe that due to my overdosing of being raised masculine (i.e., women do what you say, don’t ever let a woman one up you, etc), I never was taught how to properly interact with a woman. As I read somewhere once, I made the female form suffer me. I’m supposed to be the guy, yet I had no idea how to be the guy, do you know what I mean?

    Lastly, as with your statement, I have no idea how to just give this all up to the Lord, and finding fulfillment in Him only, especially after so long finding my fulfilment in you evil, dangerous women….j/k. But it is so hard to completely shift one’s conscious actions and not only recognize, but to comprehend and reshape how and who we are, in order to be what we’re supposed to be-equal counterparts in God’s eyes. Sure, the Bible says man’s supposed to rule the woman and woman’s supposed to obey man, but I think that’s simply because it’s how we’re meant to be. As you put so succinctly, men and women seem to not wish to play the roles they were meant to play, and that’s when all the ‘isms’ show up.

    Annnnnnd done.

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