A cloudy day is never a bad day….until

Its funny that today would be one of those days.

I woke up early, had a conversation with a great friend who I haven’t spoken to in a long time, had a cup of coffee (that someone else made for me), enjoyed a chapel speaker, and had some down time to watch Castle and Glee. It’s even cloudy, grey, and cold outside.

But, I sent an email to the women at the job I applied, and interviewed, for and she responded within minutes saying, “we have decided to go with the other candidate.” How many times have I read that in the past few months? Probably about 15. I don’t have time to work at Starbucks, Chili’s, or any other service place. I need an office job that will let me have time for homework.

Maybe this is God answering my questions about how to be a better student, actually study, get work done, etc. Maybe he is telling me to not have a job: issue with that: i have an insanely large credit card bill, bills to pay otherwise, and no job to bring in money. Is this a trust issue? Trust God to pull things together? What about the job God? How am I supposed to do this? Sacrifice school? Or sacrifice money? Is it bad that I’m considering which option would please my family more? Because I’m pretty sure they won’t let me choose between the two, they will say that one is more important, but let’s face it, they really think both are important equally. I’m so frustrated.

I have no job. no money. no self-esteem. and definitely no motivation to do homework right now. There is no where that I want to run, nothing I want to do. I hate these days. I want a fire place, a man, and rest.

God bring me peace. Show up. Make your presence palpable. I need you…desperately.


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