The end of yet another semester

I finished my last final today. Fall semester of my junior year of college is over. I hate how I get so sentimental at this time of year. I was driving back from west campus when I realized that when I got home Abby wouldn’t be home. She wouldn’t be walking in the door anytime soon. This was my last semester with her here. She has gone home. The next time that I come here I won’t be living here; I will be a visitor. I played settlers of catan with Mike and Staphon and Mercedes. I walked back upstairs and I realized, as I walked the apartment alone, that Brie and I are the only two here. Its not weird to be here by myself, a lot of the time that is how it is. This time, however, it was somewhat different. I couldn’t begin to tell you exactly how it felt, but it made my heart sink a little bit. It was not fun. I got ready to go to TGI Friday’s with Mike and Bobby. I realized this is the last time I’ll do so for a long time. I feel like I write as if my life is ending or if I’m graduating, but really my life is just shifting. I guess you could say that I am scared, but I really don’t know how to describe it. Dr. Duke assured me it would be alright. I just thought I heard Abby call my name from downstairs. This was our last semester. This was my last semester with Karl and I think that I could count the amount of times I saw him on my fingers and maybe use some toes. This is my last semester with so many of my friends. It makes me so sad. I have boxes everywhere. I don’t know how to deal with this. I should have packed all day today, and now it’s 9 o’clock and I’m leaving the apartment. Maybe I’ll pack when I get back. It doesn’t feel real. This doesn’t feel like the end of the semester. I cannot believe that Abby graduates in May.  Life is changing and I’m scared. Moving is my least favorite. I’ve gotten to like it a bit more not that I’m in school and it’s something that we just have to live with, but it doesn’t get any easier; you still leave people behind, you leave behind a certain life to move toward a different one. Soon I will be back in the town of bright lights and sin, with a big Christmas tree in front of me and a platform of  past mistakes pelting me with their presence. I love that place. I hate that place. I love the people. I hate the images that sometimes return. I wish sometimes that I was someone different; someone who had made better decisions. Oh how self-doubt creeps out of nowhere and ravages all in its way. I miss Abby already. I’m excited to see what’s next. My life is changing, and I’m scared.

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